You just made me feel so damn special
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
