Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
