my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
