I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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