apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize