I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
