From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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