his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
