??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
