things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize