she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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