If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize