Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
