I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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