A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
