one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
