You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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