I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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