I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
