I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
