i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
