My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
