Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
