i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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