apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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