I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
