ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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