Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
