O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
