..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
