I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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