just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
