Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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