mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
