I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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