I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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