4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
