I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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