how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
