My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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