; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
