Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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