Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
