New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize