We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
