I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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