Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
