i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
