hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
