After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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