i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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