it wasn't lemon gatorade
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
