Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
