What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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