are you still at the devil's house?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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