I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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