At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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