You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
