Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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