I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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