How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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