I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
