also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
