in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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