Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
