And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
