Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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