Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize